psychoneurosis

The author of the text is Slobodan Đudurovic and the text is completely taken from the weekly NIN.
There are so many advertisements that it's only a matter of just a few seconds remaining next to the TV and you'll see them screaming. Crazy Ameri was killed by making all kinds of programs of all kinds of genres possible, in order to somehow make people shout at the end of the cathode ray tube until the broadcasting period (which, by the way, is more accurate than the Swiss railroad), but who is to blame when they are silly. They did not break the stunt: wherever you find a nice place, a landing advertisement.
The thing happens even more evenly, but it leaves significant consequences for the psychophysical health of the audience. So, you turned into a chair, like every passionate lover of a particular program, five minutes before it started (we were taught that the film lasts from the beginning of the announcement to the end of the outgoing clip), pizzas and cigarettes are on the table (who the popcorn popped them) and enjoyment can begin. Here's the ad in front of the announcing hub, but you're culminating, you realize that without a sponsor today nothing works and you thank God on sponsors that allow your favorite program to be shown. The best spica. And, here are the nice ladies with a new detergent. You do not get excited too much, and you've found out (and the knowledge is most important) that other detergents are small children compared to this one, and you do not bumps out that you have spilled black wine over the new trousers yesterday.
The series has started and Mr. Mulder is just arriving for the latest case. He calls Miss Scala, he sits in the car and leaves. You turned to catch the lighter, and the next thing you see is some kind of coro behind the 206-seat convertible. What is it now, Mulder had just entered his Ford and headed for Wyoming, and now this coro pushes the shore on the Azur coast? Where is the unity of the place of action, who is the coro in the sledge, that he is not a killer ??? Soon you realize that this is a commercial for a dog, not a killer of supernatural powers. It's a bit easier, but frustration is starting. The action of the series continues, it becomes tense. Mulder enters a kind of dark hallway and has something to see: in the hallway, instead of the bits he seeks, a cup of coffee floats.
What's this now, since they drink our coffee and what's going to go in the dark corridor? You understand the scam, caused by animation over Mulder's head, you are smuggling just the pronounced coffee, swearing that you will not even taste it just as kajmaklika. A cadre that convinces you that you are right and proud of yourself, you forget the EPP. But television is there to remind you. Kids hide phone marketing phone numbers, and you are already visibly upset, grabbing your head and asking as long as this; you mention parents to the owner of the TV station and members of the legislature who would have to regulate this advertising once in a while. You are fretfully grabbing the remote and switching to another program. One of them healed the hemorrhoids, and the neighbors boast a new tea.
A little bit, you become neurotic. But, have a drug and no psychiatrist, do not despair. Buy a notebook and pencil in a dark color (the color fades well in the dark). Before starting your favorite program, along with other necessary things, keep the notebook and pencil on the table, as the fool is remembering, and smart writes. So, in the notebook, create sections for a particular type of broadcast. Let's say, if you are watching a football game (which you love cutting banners), type: who is playing with whom, whose colors are jerseys, which is the half-timing and who is pushing the ball on the side. From time to time (because you never know where the coro with the gun is being pulled), enter both the minutes, the score and who is currently in the attack. Such notes have proved to be useful in the fight against advertisements, especially with emissions of a more complex structure, which, of course, must record more relevant data to monitor the course of the action. With this basic information about the show you are following, you can also write your own comments and conclusions.
Use cut-emission programs to write down data that you have not been able to enter up to then, and use the blocks of advertisements to recapulate events and to remind yourself of things that happened before the fall of a girl with very white teeth, because she uses a paste with 407 different extracts.
(Author is a student of the Faculty of Dramatic Arts, direction of FTV productions)

lesson FROM FILMS

What did we learn from horror movies?
- Whenever you seem to have killed a monster, never check if it's really dead.
- If you find out that you are living in a house built on an Indian cemetery that used to serve black magic ceremonies or where someone was killed or committed suicide, he immediately left.
- Never read out the book for the revival of demons aloud.
- Do not search the basement, especially if the current has just disappeared.
- If your children start talking in a strange language or voice, immediately shoot them.
- If society is going to get into an old, abandoned church, do not go with them. Especially not if you only have a partner or you are a distrustful salvyddzija.
- If the home appliances start to work on their own, do not wait for the further development of the event, but immediately move!
- Do not take or borrow anything from the dead.
- If you do not have a monster, you will expect to be at least 2-3 times (twice as long as you are a woman). Also, although the monster barely temples, it will always be able to catch you.
- Listen to background music carefully.
- There is a reason why the abandoned city was abandoned. That's why he circumcised him in the wide harbor.
- When a monster hits you, and you try to escape the car, expect that the car will not be able to start from the first, no matter how well it works.
- If you are one of the filmmakers who survived the movie, never apply for a sequel. You will leave this world in the first 10 minutes of the movie.
- When you land on an unknown planet and find something resembling alien eggs, do not touch them.
- When one of your crew members appears with an extraterrestrial attached to his breasts (a consequence of the failure to comply with the previous rule), do not let him on the ship - he is already dead anyway.
- When an alien monster catches a boat (resulting from failure to comply with the previous two rules), do not ask for a lost cat.
- Never, but never, do not go inside ("inside" means attic, closet, basement, dark street, forest ...)
- If you lose some part of the body by the way, do not despair. This place will fit nicely with a saw, harpoon, saber ...
- Forget the gun. There will be no ammunition when the monster comes to the bottom.
- If you bite the zombie, stop thrashing and bargain ... Just sit and wait to become one of them.
- Do not swim, especially if you are alone at home.
- If you're a man, you broke up! Women always live.
- If you're a woman, do not show your breasts. Always end up frigid in the end.
- When you buy a property, ask the seller why it is so cheap.
- Be a believer! It always turns out that skeptics are wrong, in a terrible, painful way.
- If you're not the main character, it's easier to commit suicide immediately.
- If you're a kid, cheer up! Monsters kill only angry teenagers.
- If you see a dead beloved person, run. Remember: You can always get more children, friends, supra ...
- If there is only one monster, it's impossible to kill him. If there are more, it is impossible to exterminate them. So try to get them to attack each other.

HOW TO LEARN STUDENTS IN SERBIA

You probably already met this person - a student full of enthusiasm, persistent in his intention to learn from six hours in the evening until midnight. Exactly his place, he again carefully removes every detail, providing himself with the time to find the first excuses; Namely, now it is recalled that this morning did not have enough time to read some interesting articles in the newspapers. He also finds it the best time to read such things before he begins to learn.
That's why he gets up from his desk, scrolls the newspapers, and as he turns pages, he reveals more interesting articles than he could have imagined. And while listing a page per page, he also sees an overview of the entertainment program. From this point of view - this is one great idea for the evening break; can look something interesting between 8 and 8:30 in the evening. It finds something interesting, but the show starts already in seven hours. At that moment they thought: "Well, I had a hard day, there was not much to start the program, and it would be useful to relax and rest before I get to the school and ..." He returns to his desk around fifteen minutes to nine o'clock because the start of the next show was much more interesting than he expected.
In this scene, he continues to run around his desk, tapping on the book; she suddenly recalls that it would be better to first make a phone call to her friend, wanting to take it away from the door, before she starts a serious study. The telephone conversation is, of course, much more interesting and long-awaited than expected, but the decisive student, as he is, finally returns to his desk at 9:15.
At this moment of his ritual, he is really sitting at the table, opens a book with the expression of determination on his face, and he really begins to read (page 1, of course). While the reader begins to feel the first signs of hunger and eating. This is awesome, because it realizes that as long as the satisfaction of their needs goes, the hunger will continue to grow stronger and stronger, and therefore, its concentration for reading will become weaker and weaker.
Obviously, the only solution is a light meal. This, with all its preparations, slowly turns into a true feast.
After this last obstacle has been removed, the return of the work table is accompanied by a definitive knowledge that there is nothing this time that could ruin the nursing dedication to learning. Again he reads a few first sentences on the first page of the book ... Suddenly he becomes aware that he has transplanted his stomach and was overwhelmed by general drowsiness. In this state of affairs, it is much better to look at that other half-hour program at 10 o'clock, as welding during the show will generally be completed so that the remaining time can be used to learn in the most effective way.
At midnight we see him sleeping in front of the TV.
Even in the moment, when someone wakes up in the room wakes him up, he thinks things are not so bad, because he finally got a good rest, good nao, he watched interesting and relaxing shows on TV, fulfilled his social obligations towards friends , read all important and interesting articles, so tomorrow, exactly in six hours ....
Every relationship with students in Serbia is random ...

WHAT CAN ALL DETERMINE ON THE PURE ISLAND?

If it hits a deserted island:
two Italians and one Italian,two French and one French,two Germans and one German,two Greeks and one Greek,two English and one English,two Serbs and one Serb,two Eskimo and one Laplach,two Japanese and one Japanese,two Chinese and one Chinese,two Croats and one Croat,two Albanians and one Albanian,two Americans and one American,two Irish and one Irishone Jew and two Hebrews.

A month later, on this magical desert island, in the midst of nowhere, there was a sting:
One Italian killed another Italian for Italian.
Two French and French women happily lived together in trophies and trophies.
The two Germans strictly adhered to the weekly schedule of alternate visits to Germany.
The two Greeks, in the meantime, collapsed and began to sleep together, and the Greeks cleaned them and cooked them, hoping to board a ship from Africa or India.
The two Englishmen waited for the third English to present them to the lady.
Two Serbs and Serbs immediately engaged politically. Three of them were founded by seven political parties: two Serbs and Serbs formed the Democratic Party of Serbia in exile, the Serb woman founded the Kolja of Serbian sisters in exile, two Serbs founded the Serbian Democratic Party in exile, one Serb and Serbs founded the Serbian Democratic Party for the International another Serb and Serb established the Democratic Party of Serbia for international relations, one Serb founded the Serbian Democratic Party for Human Rights and another Serb founded the Democratic Party of Serbia for the protection of the human environment. Due to their daily political obligations, they did not have time for other activities.

The two Eskis were well aware of the endless ocean and Laponcus. Then they decided to swim.
Two Japanese sent a fax to Tokyo asking for further instructions. Waiting for the answer, in the shadow of the shaking, Japan was depilated daily.
The two Chinese opened a restaurant / herbal pharmacy / discount pizza / supermarket / laundry, and they succeeded in the twin Chinese devices to provide the necessary workforce for their store.
Two Croats and Croats were given the founding of institutions and institutions: the Croatian Historical Institute, the Croatian Academy for the History of Croats and Croatia in Exile, the Croatian Office for the Collecting of Scientific Research on the Millennial Attendance of Croats in these parts, the Croatian Academy of Scientific History of the original Croatian language in Croatian Chancellor for the Study of the Original Croatian Writing in Persecution, Croatian University of Scientific Archeology of Croats and Croatia in Persecution, Matica Hrvatske u prokletstvu za odnose sa matičnim Hrvatom.
Albanka wore four. The Albanians in the summit established a camp for military exercises aimed at protecting against Greater Serbian hegemony. In the breaks, they collected material for the Albanian encyclopedia about Albanians through centuries on empty islands.
The two Americans initially seriously considered the benefits of suicide, because the American continued to deal with her body, exposed the true nature of feminism, with a reference to the so-called. gender equality, persuaded a session with her psychotherapist, talked about the need for fulfillment and realization, remembered her last boyfriend who took her thoughts and who treated her better than the two of them, about the division of housework, especially reflected on the relationship with her mother has advanced a lot, touched on tax policy, as well as weather conditions (English origin). Then the boys formed an intelligence service.
The two Irons opened the basement of the pizza and began to drink coconuts. Since it has not been sober since then, it was not difficult for the English to convince them that the Irish actually divided the island into the North and South. She started to drink from the pain and Irkins.
One Jew and two Jews did everything to fulfill God's command: "You multiply and fill the land." The first day the Jew began the stock exchange, the second day the bank, the third day of the supermarket, the fourth day travel agency, the fifth day film studio, the seventh day of the Jewish Conference for the Protection of Jews in the scattering, rested on the seventh day with two Jews and thought that one day, return to the 'promised land', give a contribution to the synagogue.

34 REASONS WHY A WOMAN WOULD BE

1. You do not get a hysterical attack if you get a few hair scarves from your head!2. The chances of getting caught in a love affair are much less than when it comes to men!3. During the massage you do not have to redden for the reaction in the form of an erection!4. If you experience a shipwreck, the place in the lifeboat is guaranteed!5. Frauds still think they have to pay your bills, and you can save money to invest in a new guy, for example!6. It's better to be daddy's girls, than paying motherfuckers!7. You absolutely understand what is behind the 20cm.8. You will not get a driver's license because of the biggest traffic violation (code: crocodile tears)!9. Men can only Rivaldo rise to heaven and you can go to bed with him!10. Rick Martin kicks his ass just for you!11. When they ask you if you want to get married, you get a ring that you can later regain!12. Men have a shorter life expectancy, and women collect life insurance!13. You do not have to wait for your death to divorce you, when you notice that the relationship has gone to hell you can go without explanation!14. It's far better to use a vibrator than to make love with a rubber doll!15. Better and more valuable gifts are placed in women's magazines!16. As soon as you lift your finger to step in, someone will stop!17. You do not get a breakdown of a nerve when a comsian gets a car better than yours!18. You always know that the child is yours!19. Women are quick and easy to drink, which positively affects the budget.20. If you really want to pay for sex while saying "cookie"!21. You rarely get stuck, mostly because you're not blamed for asking the right way!22. You can make many shoe sellers!23. You do not need to know the names of all the national football clubs and the results of the 1980s!24. You do not have to stay with strangers in the room for months and wear the same camouflage green cloths as they are!25. You can hide the consequences of a turbulent night with a powder!26. After the hot night you do not have to ask "what was I"!27. You do not have to shave every morning!28. You do not need to tell anyone how old you are, your question is not being asked by ladies!29. You do not have a bunch of clothes that are painted, in a washing machine, or driven by iron!30. There is a whole army of slaves to look after your appearance and mental state!31. You do not have to refurbish the kitchen after a drunk dishes!32. When you sprinkle something from a wardrobe, this is seen!33. After all, women are the ones who decide how many people will be born!34. You do not have to take part in an Olympics called "who will drink more, who will ride more words, who will say more jokes ..."

Dragisa saves crosswords:

Dragisa saves crosswords:
"The capital of Italy, three letters?""TRS !!!"
"Our tennis player Slobodan Zivojinovic, four letters?""BATA!"
"A chemical element from a metal group?""PLEK!"
"A type of male solemn suit, four letters?""NAVY BLUE !"
"Not hungry, three letters?""JEO!"
"Just a fraction of a day, three letters?""LAD !!"
"A dangerous disease from which you die, four letters?""DEATH!"
"Kum's wife, four letters?""WORK!"
"Milk Product, Three Letters, First Letter S, Third R?""SURUTKA !!!"

"Necessary rumor, two letters?""WILL!!"
"1 horizontally, see figure""VIDEO!"
"Many bees, three letters, first R?""RPA!"
"Telephone call, three letters?""ZVR!"
"A personal substitute, two letters?""LZ !!!"
"Domestic animal, two letters?""DZ !?"
Dragisa Binic enters the cake shop. The waitress approaches him.Kelnerica: "Good evening. What do you want?"Dragisa: "Me one roe deer with no bone, with plenty of power and natural juice from a dj!"

Dragisa Kovacevic interviewed by Dragisa Binic.DK: "Dear, what kind of fruit do you like to eat most?"DB: "Well, bears, bre!"DK: "And what is your favorite domestic animal?"DB: "KER!"
Dragisa: Pikse, oce breskve?Piksi: Can ...Dragisa: Sas macu il bez macu?

Dragisa is a mother from the World Cup ..."Alo, Mom, this is Dragisa Binic!"
DB: "How about me MELEON times ..."
Dragisa enters with a girl in a cafe:Waiter: Here's what you want?Dragisa: For my beer, for pie juice.
Dragisa and Piksi enter the disco:DB: It's a pie, an agreement, and who will be with me and Piquet to ride in a mall.
Disco, seated by Dragisa at the table, nice music is heard, a nice girl approaches.She: "Do you play?"He: "No, I have two yellow cards."

WHAT IS THE DISSEMINATION OF THE DISSEMINATION?

You live in Canada, America, Australia or elsewhere somewhere else, away from relatives, friends and family. Occasionally, you are tormented by nostalgia and it's nice to come to sit on the first plane and fly right to your hometown, and what cost you to cost. Therefore, here is a short list of things, people and events in which you can not enjoy because you are far away. So, you miss:
1) electricity vouchers instead of pensions;2) going to Sofia to be a local cheer there;3) Dnevnik Radio Television of Serbia;4) renewal of the land by reliance on its own strengths;5) the joy that independent radio stations will be able to hear even 2 percent of voters in Serbia;6) the opportunity to approach beautiful women on the street and ask you where you have purchased two liters of oil that you carry in your bag;7) the opportunity to approach beautiful women on the street and ask you where you got half a liter of milk you carry in your bag;8) the opportunity to approach you on the street with pretty girls and ask you where you got a kilo of sugar that you carry in your bag;9) many opportunities to get acquainted with pretty girls;10) view of the container from the retired professor;11) petrol vouchers by which you can not obtain gasoline;12) purchase of fuel in two-liter flumes in which two liters do not fit;13) gas stations converted into airspace, as there are no traces of cars or other air pollutants;14) "Drina" packed in a box "Marlboro";15) submissive smiles in a crowded city bus;16) the ingenious thoughts of independent intellectuals who claim that our government is only our opposition;17) purchase of genuine US goods produced somewhere between Bulgaria and Romania;18) proclamation of a pontoon bridge for a capital project;19) burek and yogurt;20) hope you'll be able to get healthy even without spring warming;21) an enormous increase in production and sales of spore on wood;22) hallway in a saltpeter full of wood for heating;23) a sweet dam that creates uncertainty at every entry into the store;24) waiters who are badly offended that you ordered only coffee and sour;25) June salary in December;26) glories where no one will talk about politics. The first five minutes;27) the fact that old gags have been torn apart, and the acquisition of new ones is a pure luxury;28) the largest opposition Vuk Draskovic;29) the greatest opposition figure Zoran Djindjic;30) the largest opposition leader Vojislav Kostunica;31) many of the biggest oppositionists;32) July in July;33) July in August;34) July in September;35) July all year;36) general strikes involving two hundred workers;37) brains who think they have defended the bridges in Novi Sad;38) a general who, in a break between the divisions and the scissors, threatens to re-conquer Kosovo;39) Russian gas and American humanitarian aid that has not yet arrived;40) the delay of the train due to which the whole government would commit suicide in Japan;41) thirty people at the door of the tram;42) demonstrations that have nothing to do with the protection of fox and the right to privacy of polar bears;43) the most successful seedling and the most devoted grain;44) disappearance of electricity due to excessive heat;45) disappearance of electricity due to excessive cold;46) disappearance of electricity due to excessive wind;47) the disappearance of the current due to the leech;48) a leech because of a power failure;49) the disappearance of electricity for no reason;50) celebration of the arrival of electricity;51) Meet the most of your buildings as a priority so they did not turn off your electricity;52) even greater happiness of neighbors from the building across the road that applauds when you are still without electricity;53) the possibility of Zorica Brunclik to become Minister of Culture;54) students who, along the well "Culture, here I am!" eagerly expect Zorica Brunclik to become Minister of Culture;55) responsible statements by responsible people that devaluation of the dinar will not be;56) devaluation of the dinar;57) another big rally after which Slobodan Milosevic will safely leave power.
And what we miss, which we have not yet managed to become a diaspora:1) Everything else.